"Idiots"

[the_eggwhite]

We're all sat in the office, diligently working (I'm not even kidding - we really were!), when all of a sudden there appears to be a tweed clad gentleman standing in our office demanding attention.

I say "appears to be" because, as would become apparent, the word "gentleman" might be a stretch. I say "demanding attention" because he truly was. Having arrived in our office without so much as knocking on the door, he immediately turned on the consultant we have in at the moment.

"Where's 106b? This place is full of idiots giving me the runaround and I need to be in 106b!", he said to the consultant we have in at the moment in a terse and impatient manner. Since this consultant doesn't actually work here, and only really knows his way to our office, he started to try to defer the question to somebody who actually works here...

"Where is it? Don't palm me off! All the idiots in this building keep doing that!", he said.

This continued for a short while before one of my colleagues managed to interrupt and ask if they could help...

"I doubt it! Everyone here's an idiot! I've been coming here for years and everyone's got their job through nepotism! Idiots! Just tell me where 106b is! They sent me upstairs, and I've been round every floor and can't find it!"

It was explained to him that the first number in the room number is the floor number, so it'll probably be on the first floor.

"It isn't. I went there first and there's no 106b on this floor. I've been told to go to 106b by professors and doctors and everyone, but nobody here can tell me where it is so they're giving me the runaround! Tell me where it is!"

It was explained that the room numbers in this building are rarely used as the offices are so scattered that there would be no order to them.

"Nonsense! I've been coming here for years and everyone's an idiot! Where's 106b! I'm late for a meeting!"

Enquiries were made as to who he was supposed to be meeting, and after a few more statements to the effect that all of the people in the building were idiots and that he's been coming here for years and everyone's useless and got their jobs through nepotism, he gave a name. Nobody recognised the name. So we looked it up in the university phone book. True enough the person was there, and so the number was called. The person on the other end of the line was asked where his office was, to which he responded that he was in room 106b.

"Idiots! Nepotism! Been coming here for years!"

The person on the other end of the phone was then asked where exactly his office was - he explained that he was in 106b, which was next to the so-and-so staircase, which you can get to from the so-and-so entrance.

"Idiots! Nepotism! Been coming here for years! Where is it! Stop giving me the runaround!"

There is no so-and-so entrance to this building. It was enquired which building he was in. He responded saying he was in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one.

"Of course it's in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one! Idiots! Why do you think I'm here!"

At this point we were a little confused. As you might have gathered, our office is not in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one.

It was explained to the gentleman that he needed to be in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one.

"Idiots! Stop giving me the runaround! I've been coming here for years and this is so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one! I've had meetings in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one before, and they were all here!"

At this point we were all thinking that he must have been incredibly lucky to have such serendipitous meetings where by chance the right people happened to be in the wrong building at the same time, and that there were rooms free. It was explained to the gentleman that in fact, this is the LRC, also known as Harvey Building.

"Idiots! Been coming here for years! Nepotism! Idiots! Where's 106b!"

At this point, my manager did something astounding! She was helpful. She stepped in and offered to escort this gentleman to the room he was looking for!

"Idiots! Nepotism! Years! 106b!" he said, as he swiftly departed our office, completely ignoring my manager's offer.

So we settled back down again and got back on with things. All was well for five minutes or so, until...

"Idiots! Useless! Runaround! 106b! Nepotism! Idiots!" said the man who had once again barged into our office without so much as a knock. This time, however, he was intercepted by my manager and escorted to the lift. We heard a steady stream of the same short phrases repeated over and over again all the time until they had entered the lift, and indeed could still hear them for a short while after that.

She returned about ten minutes later, thankfully without the gentleman in question. Apparently he'd maintained his constant diatribe all the way to the office in so-and-so-building-that-isn't-this-one, and had continued it after she departed.

We were all amused. "Idiots" and "Been coming here for years!" have now entered office terminology as exclamations to indicate that something is incorrect and it's entirely our own fault.